


love lies

by sehvnteen



Category: Anne with an E (TV), Love Simon (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on Love Simon, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-06-29 06:23:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15723768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sehvnteen/pseuds/sehvnteen
Summary: Two months ago he was plucked from his home in Ontario and was forced into the smallest town in PEI, but for some reason, he didn't feel as upset as he thought he would be. Maybe it was Anne's impact, and Diana's, and Ruby's. They did everything friends did; they did coffee runs at Tim Hortons, drinking iced coffees and talking about university; studying at their local Chapters, browsing for classics and novellas during their breaks; and even did the school musical together after school (Cole says that fluidly, it's really just Diana in orchestra, Ruby and Anne actually singing in it, and Cole painting and building sets). He felt comfortable and himself whenever he was with them, like he had nothing to hide.The only thing was that he did. Cole has a great life, he had a great family and friends who he loves more than the world. Only he has one huge ass secret.Nobody knew he was gay.Nobody but Haz.But Cole had no idea who he was either.





	1. headlights on me, racing to sixty

**Author's Note:**

> — All characters are not mind unless stated + an AU based off of Becky Albertalli's Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda (+ it's adaption Love, Simon)

In a way, Cole thought it was some sort of fate. That is, if fate was a short blonde girl playing match up, then yes— Cole Mackenzie thinks it might've been fate.

"I'm just saying," Ruby started, poking around her fries. "Josie _does_ like you, Cole." She sat across from the boy, staring him down as if she were a teacher about to lecture the entire class.

Cole never said the girl's match up was exactly perfect.

Anne gave her a pointed look. "Ruby, if you're thinking of setting Cole up with the actual devil incarnate—" For the first time in a while actually, the four were sat together at a lunch table in the cafeteria (insisted upon by Ruby who claimed that anybody who was anybody had to sit in the cafeteria. And though Cole wasn't any particular anyone, he didn't mind. He was just glad he had people to sit with)

Cole laughed as the two began bickering, he leaned his head towards Diana who looked as much exasperated as Cole had felt. "Was it always like this before I came?" Moving to Avonlea only a month and a half ago, Cole felt like he still had a lot to learn about the small town. Avonlea in PEI was what Cole thought a cell was to a body, tiny and minuscule but necessary and important.

Diana groaned, massaging her temples. "God, it was even _worse_ when Gilbert was here."

Cole heard loads about this elusive Gilbert Blythe. He's pretty sure he knows more about Gilbert Blythe than he does Jane Andrews from what Avonlea school has been gossiping about these past two months. "She still likes him, doesn't he?" He asked absently, chewing on his nails. He let his eyes drift off, trying to imagine what it was like when Gilbert was here and he wasn't. Cole knew that Anne was the designated new kid before he was but that was about it. Other than that, he also knew that Gilbert Blythe was strictly off-limits to every single girl in the school aside from Ruby Gillis.

"Which one?" Diana rolled her eyes, crumpling her napkin and tossing it on her lunch tray. "Because if you mean Ruby, then yeah, obviously. And if you mean Anne, then..." the girl trailed off, leaving Cole an expression he couldn't quite pinpoint. "I don't know anything about them. All I know is that they text— _a lot_."

"You say it like it's a bad thing," he commented.

Diana merely shrugged. Cole noticed her eyes were drawn back to Anne who now was making a very large point to Ruby about the importance of classic literature. At least they moved on from his love life. "I just don't want her to get her hopes up for a guy who's never coming back."

"Never coming back?" Cole echoed.

"That's what Gilbert told Anne a month ago."

There were a lot of things Cole heard about Gilbert Blythe. Most good, some bad, and a few that were straight up not needed. He knew that Ruby loved him since they were in he fifth grade and that he had some sort of soft spot for Anne. That he had sparkling hazel eyes that could kill, a jaw line so sharp it could cut a stale baguette the shreds (Ruby's words, not his), and apparently, a mean punch. 

Cole heard the girls begin discussing the play, something about blocking and line learning and all things he had no clue about, but all he could think about was how Diana reacted to the mentions of Gilbert. _What had happened between Diana and him before Cole moved there? What happened between Gilbert and Anne? It wasn't possible that—_

"That's not true, right Cole?" Anne asked, drawing him back into the conversation.

He peered up, snapping back to reality, the girl's blue eyes looking up at him expectantly. "Huh?"

"Anne was just saying that she heard a rumour that Billy said that Josie told him that Tillie said that Gilbert Blythe was back in town," Ruby offered, her voice an octave higher than earlier. "I mean-- I don't want to get my hopes up or anything but... well somebody put it on the Tumblr that they saw him drive in." And with Ruby's logic, if it was on the Avonlea Tumblr page, then it must've been true.

Cole glanced beside him, looking for a reaction from Diana but all he was greeted was indifference. Clearing his throat, the boy shot Ruby a grin. "Well, Avonlea was getting a bit boring, wasn't it?"

* * *

 

  
FROM: rembrandt607@gmail.com  
TO: wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com  
DATE: Oct 15th at 6:18 PM  
SUBJECT: conflicted

Haz,  
  
Sometimes I wish things always stayed the same. That nothing could get worse and that no one could ruin anything. I know I sound bitter and cynical and all that good stuff, but it's true. I think my friend likes this guy who likes another friend (who's feelings for him are TBA) and I can already feel it sneaking itself into the cracks. I don't even know the guy so I'm not quite sure what's so amazing about him.

I guess feelings work in mysterious ways, don't they?

Before these emails, I used to always feel like this and the only way I could express myself was with my art (I say 'art' but it's really just me drawing Camelot during English class because I really couldn't be bothered to listen). But what I mean to say is, I've only began talking to you around a month ago and I already feel like I can tell you things that I haven't even told my best friends— and that's kinda, incredibly terrifying. But... I don't think I'm inclined either. Is that weird?

Mack

 

Cole smiled, rubbing his eyes before clicking send. It still felt kind of surreal. As the boy tossed his head back onto the pillow, he hugged his comforter to his chin— there really was a boy at Avonlea High School who was thinking the same thoughts as he was and listening to music by Troye Sivan like he was, a boy who has seen the world and describes the crevices of Barcelona and the inner corners of Malaysia like they were home.A boy who was slowly creeping his way into Cole's ~~heart~~ mind. A boy that Cole still had no idea what he looked like. A boy who sometimes seems like he just lives in Cole's laptop. A boy who was a junior at AHS, just like he was. A boy who was traveling for the summer and left school early last summer to go abroad. A boy who didn't want to be found.

Cole looked up at the glow-in-the-dark stars pasted on his ceiling, remembering when he stuck them on just two months ago. Two months ago he was plucked from his home in Ontario and was forced into the smallest town in PEI, but for some reason, he didn't feel as upset as he thought he would be. Maybe it was Anne's impact, and Diana's, and Ruby's. They did everything friends did; they did coffee runs at Tim Hortons, drinking iced coffees and talking about university; studying at their local Chapters, browsing for classics and novellas during their breaks; and even did the school musical together after school ( _Cole says that fluidly, it's really just Diana in orchestra, Ruby and Anne actually singing in it, and Cole painting and building sets)_. He felt comfortable and himself whenever he was with them, like he had nothing to hide.

The only thing was that he did. Cole has a great life, he had a great family and friends who he loves more than the world. Only he has one huge ass secret.

Nobody knew he was gay.

Nobody but Haz.

But Cole had no idea who he was either.


	2. tell me where your love lies

FROM: wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com  
TO: rembrandt607@gmail.com   
DATE: Oct 16th at 11:18 AM   
SUBJECT: re: conflicted   
  
Mack,   
I don't find you weird, you don't think I tell that nearly-attacked-my-friend's-adopted-brother story to everybody, do you? It's just you, Mack. It's kind of always been just you, maybe it's like what you said but I feel like I can tell you so much more than I can prepare myself to. And you're right, it is kind of incredibly terrifying. But talking to you makes me want to do it.   
  
Sorry to hear about your friends though, whoever would take advantage of a friendship like what you guys have sounds like a massive dick (pardon my French). Maybe we know him, maybe we know each other. Don't you think it's kind of weird how there is a chance that we might actually be friends in real life? But if we're continuing our honesty streak, I think if we ever met... I wouldn't be able to ever be 'just friends' with you, Mack. Does that sound crazy?   
  
But on the notes of the 'wishing-nothing-could-change', I have to disagree. I love change and I welcome it with open arms. I left school early so I could get a change of scenery, a world away from Avonlea. I felt like lady June, I had lost everything and all I needed to do was get away. The change that new lands brought me was something that almost brought me back to life. Change can be good. Change can be great. I returned to Avonlea because I needed what has always been here. And I needed that change to become the person who realized that. Though I guess that's just on personal experience.   
  
And on another happier note, that somewhat regards the consumer holiday we've all come to love or loathe, it's only the second week of October and all my friends are already trying to collaborate for a group costume. I've never been the biggest Halloween fan, for me, it's all about the Halloween flavoured Oreos. They've been tossing back ideas that range from MCU characters to Charlie's Angels (there are five of us). If you're looking for me, on the 31st, just watch out for a group of guys dressed obnoxiously loud and a guy in a trench coat and fedora, HIDING, that'll be me, scurrying behind what probably will be four guys wearing scrubs, acting like they watched Grey's Anatomy because all the girls in our year do (I actually do too... It's not 100% medically accurate but you didn't hear that from me).   
  
What about you? Any Halloween plans that may or may not include horrific group costume ideas and beautifully made Halloween Oreos? I think my night will be reduced to Stranger Things marathons and handing out candy.   
  
Haz   
  
" _Cole!_ " somebody shouted, jostling the boy from his phone.   
  
He sat up, blinking rapidly as he remembered where he was. The school day had finally ended, leaving him and Anne to sort themselves out after English class to head towards the theatre. Cole fumbled to shut his phone off, feeling the warm feeling in his chest slowly begin to dissolve. "Huh?"   
  
Anne laughed and lightly nudged him in the ribs. "We have play practice, remember?" She began doing jazz hands and the can-can, tossing her head backwards, singing, " _When I kissed the teacher! Couldn't quite believe his eyes, when I kissed the teacher! My whole class went wild!_ "  
  
Cole rolled his eyes, lightly pushing Anne past the aisles of desks. He slid his bag to his shoulders, laughing. "We're doing _Les Mis_ , Anne-girl, not _Mamma Mia._ "   
  
"You don't need to remind me," she grumbled, the two finally out in the hallway, slowing making their way to the theatre. "I swear to God, Fantine's an amazing character but do you realize how difficult it's going to be having to sing _I Dreamed A Dream_ at an appropriate volume while crying?"   
  
"Now, don't you wish you were in the lucky position of set crew painter number three?" Cole grinned, Haz's email still digging in the back of his mind. _I think if we ever met... I wouldn't be able to ever be 'just friends' with you, Mack. I think if we ever met... I wouldn't be able to ever be 'just friends' with you, Mack. I think if we ever met... I wouldn't—_ _  
_   
" _Cole!_ "   
  
He jumped, surprised to see that they already had made it to the theatre. Cole whirled around to see Anne peering at him oddly, her arms were crossed and eyebrows scrunched. "Are you okay? You've been acting strange all day..." She hopped to her tip toes, pressing the back of her palm to his forehead.   
  
He shrugged, blushing the slightest. "Just tired, I guess." It wasn't like that day was the first time Haz had implied that him and Cole could've been more than what Anne and him were. And it wasn't like Cole didn't think it either. At Avonlea High School, there was a bisexual genius of a boy who travelled the world and liked him! He didn't like Josie Pye or Billy Andrews, not Charlie Sloane and not Diana Barry... but he liked _Cole!_

Well, he liked Mack. The small voice in Cole's mind reminded him.

Haz could've easily thought that Mack was somebody like Billy Andrews or Charlie Sloane, and that thought made Cole sick to his stomach. "Come on, we don't want to be late," he said quickly, pulling Anne through the double doors.

He didn't need to think about Haz and the email, he needed to build an old French brothel as soon as he could. But Haz stuck out to Cole like that one star in the sky, the kind you would wish upon when you were five years old and way past your bed time, gazing out on your window. Haz was the brightest and loveliest star to shine in Avonlea but the problem was, Cole had no idea where to look.   


* * *

  
  
When Gilbert Blythe walked into the Avonlea school theatre, it was when Josie Pye was asking everybody if she should dye her hair brown to play Éponine (—' _really, Jane? But my hair is kind of like my thing_ ’). The second everybody saw the tufts of dark brown curls, the entire cast and crew fell silent.   
  
Cole, who had never seen this boy in his entire life aside from Ruby's Instagram stalking, didn't recognize him as quickly as others did. He thought that Anne might've been the one who saw him the first.   
  
As if it were in slow motion, he saw Fantine'd Anne, with her pixie cut wig on and script in hand walk towards Gilbert, her blue eyes wide and mouth open shock. He, on the other hand, didn't seem too surprised at all. "Anne," he said. That was all he said but that was when Cole realized what everybody meant when they said that Gilbert had a soft spot for Anne. He could hear the way he said everything he needed in just her name.   
  
"Told you."  
  
Cole jumped, and then relieved to find Diana slip beside him. Her curled brown locks were tied back into a pony tail and he couldn't help but notice she was picking the clear polish off her nails as she eyed Anne and Gilbert down in the fifth row. They seemed invested into conversation, something that she didn't seem particularly fond of. Cole only knew Diana for a month and a half, and Gilbert for about t-minus ten seconds but with the way her eyes were staring at the pair, he just knew that Diana liked him. And he liked Anne.   
  
He glanced back at Diana, "How long was he gone for again?" Cole knew the answer, you weren't friends with Ruby Gillis unless she had her weekly meltdown about Gilbert Blythe (or in recent events, lack there of).   
  
Cole thought Diana seemed to relax a bit, slightly relieved himself. "Eight months and three days."   
  
"You must be glad he's back."   
  
Diana stiffened, casting her eyes back down to her lap. "I-I... I guess, I dunno. Gilbert and I were never really best friends, not like—" she trailed off, slightly gesturing towards the scene unfolding in front of them. Anne and Gilbert didn't even realize that the two were watching, in fact, Anne and Gilbert didn't seem like they would notice the world burning around them, they were to enraptured by the other.

 _Does every single high school couple need to act like this._  
  
Cole didn't know what to make of it, ever since Gilbert stepped foot into the theatre, it already felt like practice had dissipated. It seemed like everybody wanted to talk to Gilbert, everybody wanted to ask him about his travels and ask if he had missed them. And if Cole didn't know any better, he could tell that the brunette sat next to him wanted to too. That maybe she wanted to with all her heart's desire to go after the guy she liked but was held back from the obligatory duty of being a friend.   
  
_Obligation can become a prison._   


* * *

Gilbert Blythe now sat with them at lunch. Before it was that Diana sat next to Cole, who sat in front of Ruby, who sat beside Anne who sat in front of Diana. Simple. Easy. Now, with Mr. Global & Bookish there, he sat right in between Anne and Ruby, and almost directly in front of Cole. The only bright side was now that they have permanently moved to the cafeteria, Cole supposed it was so because they finally had a particular somebody who actually _was_ a somebody sitting with them.  
  
"You did what?!" Anne laughed so hard that Cole as worried she'll choke on her tater tots. The only time he has ever seen her this light with laughter was occasionally with him and  _always_ with Diana.  
  
Gilbert, now donning an Avonlea football letterman jacket (which Cole hated to admit, looked quite good on him) had seemed to slip right back into what seemed like old habits.

(To make it clear, Cole didn't hate Gilbert. He didn't even know him. He just had this feeling that things were going to change once the boy arrived, and for the most part, Cole had been right.)  
  
In fact, as soon as Gilbert began joking with Anne about something or another, Diana abruptly stood up and left, snapping an excuse like she left her jacket in her locker even though Cole knew very well that Diana didn't wear a jacket into homeroom. This was strange. He had never known Diana to act like this, she had always been so… together.

* * *

  
When lunch ended, Cole couldn't wait to get out of the cafeteria. It was stuffy and it smelled bad and Cole knew why he never ate there to begin with. As he walked towards fourth period science, Cole scrolled through his emails and landed on the last one he received from Haz. He felt a sort of reluctancy when Haz asked about what Cole was going to be for Halloween, _did that mean he wanted to find him? Did it mean that Haz was going to look out for him? Or was it just common decency to ask?_   
  
There was a part of him that wanted so desperately find Haz, to spot the guy in the trench coat and detective hat and kiss him senseless in the hallway, for all of Avonlea High School to see.   
  
And there was another part of him that just wanted Haz to be his and live in his computer. He didn't want Haz to become real and be everything he never put himself in the emails.   
  
TO: wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com   
FROM: rembrandt607@gmail.com   
DATE: October 16th at 8:18 PM   
SUBJECT: halloween szn   
  
Haz,   
Please be Spider-Man for Halloween, I think if I found out you were actually Peter Parker behind a computer screen, I may actually combust. Isn't Tom Holland just dreamy?   
  
As for the Halloween plans, I have no clue. A Stranger Things marathon does sound incredibly ideal though. Most likely my friends are going to drag me to a Halloween party where everybody is smoking and drinking and all that stuff. Things could be worse! As much as costumes, do you remember when you're a kid and everybody's costumes were either the laziest thing ever or the coolest, most amazingly bodacious ones? Like you had your black cats and your Harry Potter's with their face paint and bullshit but then you had your Captain America's and Eleven's and it's like going full out.   
  
I gotta find an in between that says 'I'm here for a costume party' but also 'I'm not that lazy son of a bitch who said he was a ghost cause he wore a tablecloth'. Got any ideas?

Mack

  
  
Cole sighed, waiting for the bus. He had been wanting to reply to Haz all day but couldn't find the words to. Or maybe it was the trouble of timing.

But as far as things like Diana and Anne and Gilbert went, Cole was glad at least Haz had stayed the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i have so much fun writing this tbh


	3. every day i look at the world from my window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Afoot and light-hearted,  
> I take to the open road.  
> Healthy, free, the world before me.  
> The long brown path before me  
> leading wherever I choose.”  
> \- Walt Whitman
> 
> I thought I knew everything I ever needed to know just because I left Avonlea, and it was only when I knew I was coming back that I realized I was wrong. I think you’re never going to stop learning new things about yourself and the world around you. I’m sixteen near seventeen and I thought I knew it all. And that’s not true. I’ll keep discovering and accepting things when I’m eighteen, when I’m twenty, thirty, and even when I’m an elderly eighty year old man. 
> 
> My crazily unclear point is: I’m still learning a lot about myself (and I’m guessing you do too, Reader, if not, I envy you) even when I thought I had nothing left to learn. I learned that I hate tomatoes with passion. I learned that I have a terrible phobia of needles. And I learned that I have enough guts to post onto AVSecrets the fact that I am bisexual.  
> >> submitted by wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com

**AUGUST 24th**

Ruby Gillis is typing...  
   RG: Have you guys seen the new post?  
_SENT at 10:19 PM_  
_SEEN by Di Barry, Anne SC, and Cole Mack_

Di Barry is typing...  
   DB: what new post?  
_SENT at 10:19 PM_  
_SEEN by Ruby Gillis, Anne SC, and Cole Mack_

Ruby Gillis shared a link with you!  
   RB: http://afootandlighthearted.com/post/177282883182829467/AVSecrets-nobody-knows-im-bi  
_SENT at 10:20 PM_  
_SEEN by Di Barry, Anne SC, and Cole Mack_

Ruby Gillis is typing...  
   RB: Who do u think it is?  
_SENT at 10:20 PM_  
_SEEN by Di Barry, Anne SC, and Cole Mack_

Ruby Gillis is typing...  
   RB: I think it might be Sullivan Tracey, I get a vibe  
_SENT at 10:21 PM_  
_SEEN by Di Barry, Anne SC, and Cole Mack_

Ruby Gillis is typing...  
   RB: Or you know what, maybe it's Liam McPherson, I heard he was like obsessed with Wicked  
_SENT at 10:21 PM_  
_SEEN by Di Barry, Anne SC, and Cole Mack_

Cole clicked the link as Diana and Anne began typing, he swore that if it was another blast about the Avonlea pool, he was going to block Ruby. Much to his surprise, what she had sent the group chat _[—named ' **Dumb Fucks (whomst i love)'** courtesy of Anne]_ was an anonymous submission titled _Alone and Ashore_ by an alias of Haz.

Cole, usually never one to delve into Ruby's links, had faltered, his curiosity giving away and forced him into reading.

**‘Afoot and light-hearted,**  
**I take to the open road.**  
**Healthy, free, the world before me.**  
**The long brown path before me**  
**leading wherever I choose.”**  
**\- Walt Whitman**  
  
**I thought I knew everything I ever needed to know just because I left Avonlea, and it was only when I knew I was coming back that I realized I was wrong. I think you’re never going to stop learning new things about yourself and the world around you. I’m sixteen near seventeen and I thought I knew it all. And that’s not true. I’ll keep discovering and accepting things when I’m eighteen, when I’m twenty, thirty, and even when I’m an elderly eighty year old man.**  
  
**My crazily unclear point is: I’m still learning a lot about myself (and I’m guessing you do too, Reader, if not, I envy you) even when I thought I had nothing left to learn. I learned that I hate tomatoes with passion. I learned that I have a terrible phobia of needles. I learned that I love mangoes.**

**And yet, the more I learn about myself, the more I unravel and discover, the less those around me know me. I'm on the thin line of being on the upside and the downside. Because most of my life is great, but nobody knows I'm bi.**

**> >> submitted by wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com**

Cole reread the last paragraph over and over again, his heart was beating faster than normal and he was sure that his phone was going to slip right out of his clammy palms.

_PING!_

Anne SC is typing…  
   ASC: said he left avonlea, maybe idk him??  
_SENT at 10:26 PM_  
_SEEN by Ruby Gillis, Di Barry, and Cole Mack_

Di Barry is typing…  
   DB: i mean it’s a possibility but sounds kinda recent  
_SENT at 10:27 PM_  
_SEEN by Anne SC and Cole Mack [RUBY GILLIS IS OFFLINE]_

Exiting out of the chat, Cole reopened the Tumblr page. There were a million things swirling around in his head. This guy, whoever he was, has:

1\. Traveled the world  
2\. Listened to Troye Sivan  
3\. Articulated something that Cole has failed to put into words for months, maybe even years  
4\. An email to which Cole could directly talk to him through

_Woah_ , Cole thought. Nobody ever said anything about talking to Mr. Anonymous here. it wasn’t like he had willingly asked anybody to come up and talk to him. But Cole couldn’t shake the feeling that he had to know him.

After ten minutes of an internal pep talk, Cole typed: **YES** in all caps and like any other teenage boy, he had left his Gmail address. His secret Gmail address. You know, the kind that every single teenage boy has. Because Cole was a normal teenage boy.

He was just like any other teenage boy.

* * *

**OCTOBER 18th**

FROM: wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com  
TO: rembrandt607@gmail.com  
DATE: October 18th at 3:41 AM  
SUBJECT: re: halloween szn

Mack,  
If I was Tom Holland behind this shitty Dell computer, I think might explode before you do. Sometimes I wonder if I want to marry him or Zendaya first (important issues to wonder about, obviously...)

And of course I remember the amazing and horrible costumes, I was the one who always answered the door for trick or treaters so I've had my fair share of children wearing half assed ghost tablecloths or beautifully crafted cardboard robots. There are few in between. But the Harry Potter thing, gotta say that Harry Potter costumes are not and will never be part of the lazy costume spectrum. That's ridiculous. You have the glasses, scar, and all that but it's the wardrobe and the wand that matter the most. And most Potterheads would never settle for anything less than the proper school uniform and Universal Studios provided wand.

As for your Halloween costume, I think you would do best in a paint smock and a fancy beret, maybe even a twirlable moustache. I don't know what you look like, Mack, but I think you would look cute— fake stache and all.

Haz

It was October 27th, just a little over a week after getting Haz's email and Cole was dressed as the Peter Parker to Anne’s Mary Jane ( _’She’s one of the only fictional characters with red hair, Cole, pleeeaaaase!’ ‘Actually, Black Wid—‘ ‘SHE’S BLONDE IN INFINITY WAR’_ ), a far cry from Haz’s exaggerated artist idea.

Though Cole couldn’t help but be sure that his Mary Jane Watson was going to be throwing up all of the next morning. As he sat on Josie Pye's couch, watching the redhead down another drink, he was beginning to wonder if it was true that theatre kids partied harder than the jocks. But of course, he was proved wrong when he watched Gilbert Blythe with his lense-popped-out glasses and drawn on lightning bolt scar drag Charlie Sloane and Moody Spurgeon to play Beirut a couple feet away.

He didn't particularly love parties but Ruby insisted that the four attend because _Nobody throws a party quite like Josie Pye!_ It seems as if Cole still had plenty to learn. But he didn't understand why Ruby asked him to go if she was just going to go off somewhere else with Jane Andrews and Josie Pye, leaving Cole with Diana and Anne who seemed too caught up in their own little world to realize that Cole was just perched at the sofa arm with a cup of disgustingly warm beer in his hand.

"Yo, Cole!" Gilbert shouted, waving at the boy. "You want to play? We're short a player." They weren't that close, the two boys sat together during lunch and occasionally talked with Cole if the conversation naturally pointed in that direction— so Cole was a bit surprised when Gilbert said that they would team up against Moody and Charlie. "You know how to play, right?" Gilbert asked, his bright eyes that looked more umber than hazel under the low light, crinkled beneath his _Harry Potter_ frames.

Cole _really_ wished he didn't find him as cute in his rolled up sleeves and his dumb plastic glasses as he did. “Um…” He scratched at the back of his head, a bit embarrassed to be wearing his own very real pair of old glasses and a simple Midtown Science tee shirt; compared to Gilbert's very realistic Harry Potter costume, Cole felt like he should've at least worn the Spidey suit under his Peter Parker clothes.

Haz was right, maybe Harry Potter costumes weren't all half-assed marker scars and twig wands. "I think so," Cole finally said.

Gilbert grinned, "Awesome, so rule's are two reracks, no blowing, and two balls in the cup means you have to take three, okay?"

Charlie and Moody nodded, the two hyping the other up in a way that made Cole feel like maybe he should've asked if Anne or Diana would be on a team with him. He turned to Gilbert who's glasses were turned lopsided. "Maybe you should take these off," Cole offered, letting himself smile a bit. He reached up and gently pulled the frames of Gilbert's face, kind of revelling in the sparkle in Gilbert's eye. 

Gilbert laughed, putting the glasses onto the ping pong table. "Thanks, Cole." As he threw the first ping pong ball, sticking the tip of his tongue out in pure concentration, he said. "I don't know why we don't talk that much, you seem like one of the only cool people in this school."

Cole watched the white ball bounce perfectly in the red solo cup and let out a loud _WOO_ when Moody had to chug the beer. Gilbert grinned at Cole's reaction, reaching his hand out for a high-five. The taller boy slapped his palm, rather proud of himself for making such social achievements (on any other Saturday, Cole promises that he would either at home, sketching or at home, watching Netflix. For him to be high-fiving the captain of the Avonlea football team for a point in Beirut was a major step up). "I guess you're just usually talking with Anne," Cole answered truthfully, watching Moody try (and fail) to throw into their triangle.

The grin on Gilbert's face dissipated a little bit, something that confused Cole. "It's different with Anne."

"Different from you and I?" The words ' _You and I_ ' felt weird in relation with Cole and Gilbert. 

Gilbert shifted, turning his body to face Moody, and Charlie who seemed to preoccupied with hyping up his teammate. He offered Cole a slight grin that almost seemed like an apologetic one. Cole could never figure this kid out.

"Different from everybody." It was the way he said it that put Cole off, like what him and Anne had was this secret that he could never betray. Maybe it was.

As Moody finally scored one in, two entire cups of beer later, Cole realized something. Gilbert was never going to get over Anne. 

And that made him dislike the boy a little bit more (on Diana's behalf. Of course).

* * *

 

FROM: rembrandt607@gmail.com  
TO: wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com  
DATE: October 28th at 12:11 AM  
SUBJECT: sad spooky times

Haz,  
I'm listening to Postcard by Troye Sivan and I'm crying. Like I am actually crying right now. There are real tears on my keyboard. It's that kind of night I guess.

I was remembering how we first began talking, and I went back to look at the first email I ever sent you.

_**[ SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS OMITTED ]** _

Yikes. Sorry about the eternal cringe. But I just couldn't help but mull over that poem you posted on AVSecrets (or maybe it was part of a poem), it said 'The long brown path before me, leading wherever I choose' and I heard it. I heard it in your voice, Haz. It's nobody's voice, not anybody I know in real life anyways. It's that voice you hear when you read your favourite book and your reading your favourite character's voice; it's this soothing and comforting and overall specific voice that can never be replicated (If I'm not making any sense at all, forgive me, I'm kind of drunk). I never really understood that until my friend explained it to me over a talk about Jane Eyre. 

ANYWAYS, it was when I heard your voice (or 'your voice') reciting the poem, I realized something. Maybe it was the startling realization that I might like Walt Whitman. Or it was the realization that maybe I want to hear your actual voice. The realization that I want to maybe know who you are.

Drunkenly but overall completely sincerely,   
Mack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- thank you guys so much for all the kind comments on the last two chapters, it means the world to me!
> 
> this chapter is more movie based than book but remember that this story is overall based on both! and i know that the friendship qualities between anne/cole/diana aren't super evident just yet but don't worry, they will be very integral parts in future chapters (and this story's arc)


	4. i've loved and i've lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stopped, turning to face him. Anne had to look up to actually meet his eye but at the moment, she was looking about anywhere but there. "You're kind of one of my best friends now, you know that right?"
> 
> "Yeah, 'course."
> 
> "It's just that I feel like I would then have to be honest with you and... it's- I don't like secrets," Anne was murmuring. "I think I might, maybe, like--"
> 
> "Hey, SC!" Somebody shouted, a figuring running down the hall at Anne. Soon enough, an arm swung around her shoulder and there in a flash, Gilbert Blythe had appeared by her side with a grin bright enough to light up Avonlea winters.
> 
> She smiled weakly, "Hey Gil."
> 
> "Hey, Cole." Gilbert's tone was laced with giddiness. "You guys coming to lunch?" 
> 
> Anne opened her mouth to answer but Cole beat her to it, "Yeah, we'll be there in a sec." He looked back to Anne but she couldn't meet his gaze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asljkd sorry for the lack of posting! this update took me longer than i wanted it to (i also rewrote it like five times lmao) hope u guys enjoy this somewhat of a filler! next chap is when some actual shit goes down
> 
> i also didn't check for mistakes in grammar or spelling will do that sometime later !

"'I celebrate myself, and sing myself,'" Anne spoke, her eyes seemingly challenging every student in the class. "'And what I assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.'" Her voice stood unflinchingly strong, her gait was stood straight and her hands wrought together in front of her middle. Anne had this way with speaking that made even the dullest of words sound as if they were bursting with life. Though surely, Cole didn't think that Walt Whitman had a 'dull way with words', but he supposed there was always something that made the poet's words sound more enticing and alive when Anne was speaking.

He knew this poem for the most part, but in eleventh grade English, who hadn't? As he sat in those uncomfortable chairs, tapping his pen lightly on the round table tops, listening to Anne recite this nine minute long poem, he couldn't help but think about the absolute radio silence he's received from Haz. It's been days and days since Halloween (it's really been nine days, but who's counting?) and nothing. Every time he sneaks his phone during class, every time his phone so much as buzzes on the lunch table, Cole is quick to check his email. 

But the same  **NO NEW MESSAGES**  glares at him. 

Maybe he scared him off, Cole nervously thought, the drumming of his pen getting more rapid. He shouldn't have asked at all, he should've just been fine without knowing. And now he's lost him for good.

"' _My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air._ '" The only person Cole had really wanted to tell was Anne. He actually wanted to tell a lot to Anne. Everything from Haz and the emails to Gilbert and the party and to the whole Diana and Gilbert thing, but he only knew that if he had, things could even get messier. And right now, Cole really didn't need messy.

He listened to the redhead recite the poem until the bell had rung, packing his things up with a resigned look on his face. It only was when Anne popped up beside him when he tried for a blank expression. "Good job up there, by the way," he said, sliding his bag over his shoulder.

Anne smiled, "I just love that poem..." Her tone was dreamy, eyes in a faraway place. "I just wish we did more poetry in class, I feel like there is... there is just so much more scope of imagination when you're not constantly texting or checking AVSecrets..."

Cole knew that Anne hated the Tumblr more than anybody. Diana told him that it was because Billy Andrews sent in a rude post that got taken down a day after, she didn't mentioned specifics but— " _Then Gilbert came to the rescue of course," Diana's tone dripping in sarcasm. "Rumour has it that after school he punched Billy and shoved his face into the snow."_

So that was settled. Cole never brought up what Gilbert said at the party regarding Anne, no matter how much he wanted to. There were so many questions he had regarding the whole Anne and Gilbert situation, like did Gilbert like Anne and does Anne like him back, does Anne know that Diana likes Gilbert, does Ruby know that she isn't the only girl that has their eyes set on this guy?

*It annoyed Cole more than it should've, he doesn't even know. Cole is just so sick of straight people who can't get their shit together. 

"Just don't mention that to Ms. Stacy, knowing how much she loves you and Mr. Whitman, she might actually take you up on that."

Soon it was just them in the classroom, the rest of the students having rushed off to their next class or to lunch. 

Anne tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her eyes casting downwards as she and Cole made their way into the hall. "I actually need to talk to you about something."

Cole blinked, "Yeah, sure, what's up?"

She stopped, turning to face him. Anne had to look up to actually meet his eye but at the moment, she was looking about anywhere but there. "You're kind of one of my best friends now, you know that right?"

"Yeah, 'course."

"It's just that I feel like I would then have to be honest with you and... it's- I don't like secrets," Anne was murmuring. "I think I might, _maybe_ , like--"

" _Hey, SC!_ " Somebody shouted, a figuring running down the hall at Anne. Soon enough, an arm swung around her shoulder and there in a flash, Gilbert Blythe had appeared by her side with a grin bright enough to light up Avonlea winters.

She smiled weakly, "Hey Gil."

"Hey, Cole." Gilbert's tone was laced with giddiness. "You guys coming to lunch?" 

Anne opened her mouth to answer but Cole beat her to it, "Yeah, we'll be there in a sec." He looked back to Anne but she couldn't meet his gaze.

Gilbert, oblivious as ever, quirked up a grin. "I'll walk with you guys."

For the rest of the day, even at practice, Anne refused to even bring up what she had tried to say. She simply acted as if she hadn't said a word. 

* * *

 

TO: [rembrandt607@gmail.com](mailto:rembrandt607@gmail.com)

FROM: [wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com](mailto:wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com)

DATE: November 10th at 5:29 PM

SUBJECT: the yellow wallpaper

Mack,

I snuck out of English class to type this (but considering the school wifi issue, who knows when it'll send). We've been reading up this quote by a guy named Dr. Mitchell, this presumptuous asshole of a doctor. There are a million things I want to rant to you about this guy but sadly, those thoughts must be rewritten into my first real English essay of the year.

But I think if you ever asked me what kind of doctor I want to be, point me in the opposite of this chauvinist asshole. My English teacher read us this story called The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman… suffice to say it sent creeps into the gateway of my soul blah blah blah. I really like my English teacher though, she kind of seems like this super dork who loves Harry Potter and Jane Eyre (almost like one of my best friends, weird enough). I remember on the first day of school, she asked us ‘What’s the difference between reading literature and understanding literature’, most of us in our circle tables stared blankly at her while others scrolled on Instagram, but not aforementioned best friend! She stuck her hand out and said (I am paraphrasing), ‘The first is to entertain and the second is to educate’. Kind of blows my mind, but she’s like that. A lot of people expect us to end up dating because apparently guys and girls can’t be friends without wanting to jump each other’s bones. Gotta love high school. But if I’m being fairly honest, kinda have eyes only for you, Mack.

Anyways, it's also November! Huzzah! Everybody around me is hyping up the holiday season but if I'm being fairly honest, I'm not too psyched for it. A year ago around this time, I lost my dad and I guess it's just worse this time around. It's my first real Christmas in Avonlea without him and I don't really know what to do.

And I know you’re reading this like ‘Why is he acting like I never asked the question?’ and it’s unfair of me to pretend you didn’t when you did (And yes, Mack, even drunk you is adorable) (And Postcard is an amazing song but personal favourite? It’s not on Bloom but I gotta say Suburbia. Hence the email address, I guess. I don’t know if you’ve seen his narrative video on YouTube but it just sums up how I feel about Avonlea. Especially after I left. I think you should give a listen, because if I’m being fairly honest, you’re one of the people.)

But I just don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I’m sorry.

\- Haz

* * *

TO: wonderonrepeat1@gmail.com

FROM: rembrandt607@gmail.com

DATE: November 11th at 11:52 AM

SUBJECT: Re: the yellow wallpaper

Haz...

~~It's okay, I get it~~

~~No biggie.~~

~~SLJF SORRY FOR BRINGING IT UP~~

~~haha dw abt it!~~

~~lmao we good!~~

~~w h y  c a n ' t  i  w r i t e  t h i s~~

Cole glared at the screen, feeling weird already typing this on a school computer. What was he supposed to write? Saying that it was okay and that he understood felt too forced and maybe Haz would think it _wasn't_ fine and that he _didn't_ understand. Saying 'no biggie' made him sound like he was ten and adding 'haha dw abt it' made him sound like an imbecile considering this was an  _email._ So really... what other choice did he have?

His fingers hovered over the keys, preparing to type out a Hallmark Card response of 'Don't worry Haz, I get it." when Diana slid beside him.

Quick to exit out of the tab, Cole tried his best to act nonchalant. "...Hey."

She frowned, "What was that?"

"Oh, n-nothing, just an email asking Kramer for an extension on a project," he quickly lied. Diana, however, didn't look convinced. "Hey, actually, I was thinking about grabbing a Snapple from the cafeteria, want to come?" He didn't bother waiting for a response before jumping up and grabbing his bag. 

She laughed, a bit confused at his behaviour. "Yeah, sure."

And so the two left quickly, slipping out of the library just as somebody else had walked in. Roy Gardener, head of the Avonlea lacrosse team and academic rival of Gilbert Blythe stormed in. He didn't even _want_ to be there. 

Finding the first computer he could reach, Roy opened up Google and was met with something that to him, was much more interesting than filling out a student council application. Peeking his head out, he asked the librarian if she had known who had just sat there and was more than pleased to discover it was Cole Mackenzie.

Roy grabbed his phone and opened up the camera app, muttering "You're about to be very, _very_ useful, Mackenzie."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * that quote is an actual quote from becky's book ajsdsl idk thought it suited the context  
> -  
> anyways what do u guys think is gonna happen? what do u think anne wanted to say to cole? do u think diana is suspicious? anyone fans of oblivious gil?
> 
> thanks for all the love from the last 3 chaps!
> 
> xx vivian


End file.
